are you part of a community because you belong, or are you part of a community because you want connection?
community
here is a question i've been ruminating on for quite a while. you might find it uncomfortable. i found it uncomfortable, at first.
you don't need an answer. not yet, anyway. but if you listen to me, i think you'll understand what i mean, even if you don't agree with my views. so let's go through my point first, and then you can say what you think, yes?
what is a community?
let's get a definition out here first of all: what would you consider a community?
a group of people? then, is your three-person group chat a community? i don't think so. a group of people with a shared interest? i suppose that this could be a community. there are online communities dediacted to all sorts of things in this very way.
but i would consider people in a neighbourhood or city in the same community. do they all have a "shared interest"? or is it the proximity which creates the community?
when you search the definition, google seems to agree on that point, and offers two reasons for a community:
a group of people living in the same place or having a particular characteristic in common.
so, a community is a group of people who have something in common. location, interests, a personal trait. but, if you think for a few moments, there is a glaring issue...
community is not connection
a community is a group of people who have a shared trait. but you can be isolated in your community. sure, in high school i was part of the "school community" as were all the other students and the teachers, but i was still shunned by most of my schoolmates.
was i part of a community? you could say so. did i feel connected to my community? not at all.
this happens to a lot of people. maybe you feel out of place. maybe you desperately need a place to feel at home. so what do you do if you don't feel like you fit anywhere?
there's a few options. take the beginning introspection: why don't you fit in with your existing community? is there something they have that you lack? are your interests sorely out of place? is there an integral part of you that your community doesn't accept?
are you just not talking to people?
whatever the answer is, there are only so many things you can do.you can change something about yourself, your values or your interests or how social you are, get something new to fit in more. but the only way to feel at home is to meet friends, mentors, and so on.
what happens when you can't figure any of that out?
community replacing connection
that's a little confusing, no? we just discussed how community is not connection, how you can feel out of place in a community, but now the topic is "community replacing connection".
what does that even mean?
put simply, a lot of people become part of a community without having anything to do with the people in it. or they can even have a lot to do with the people in it, but it's all superficial in the end, because there's no deeper bonds.
let's go through some examples.
01. fandom
one online example: fandom. in fandom, if you say you like something, you're a part of the community already. it doesn't matter if you've played the game in question, or engage with it on any level in fact; as long as you call yourself a fan, you're in the fandom. disregarding the awful state fandom is in for this exact reason, what now?
if you really do like that show you're into, maybe you'll find some friends just like you, who love it on such a deep level that you can discuss it for hours. maybe after a while you'll learn about each other's personal lives, and you'll be dear friends indeed. but in a lot of cases, people's time in fandom is short lived; they wear whatever they like into the ground, and then they move on.
their fandom friends will either follow them to the new thing or, in a lot of cases, get left behind.
is this true connection? i don't think so. but, seeing as this type of person is constantly joining new fandoms—online communities!—they are using the idea of a community, and often the follower count that comes with it, as their replacement for true connection. as long as they're surrounded by people into the same thing, they imagine they feel at home.
02. subculture
you want to be different. you want to feel unique. i've been there. we've all been there.
how do you become different? you could be organic: you could think, well, i like these things. i'll inch my way towards my ideal self. but what if you don't have an ideal self?
many people find themselves here. i have. it's a hard question to be faced with and hard to find an answer to. so a lot of people, me included, latch onto an archetype. a lot of the time, they decide they want to be in a subculture, something counter-culture, something cool. maybe they'll scroll pinterest until they see something they really want to be.
then they buy the things that make them look like that thing. but do they have any knowledge? do they have the ideals that go with the subculture? unfortunately, it's usually a cosplay.
you can walk up to the cool kids, dressed just like them, and announce yourself one of them. but do you have their knowledge? do you have shared interests and values? do you even know the music they listen to or why they choose to be like that?
are you really working toward being your true self, or an invented image of someone freer than you actually are?
this is the trap. people invent a new self, desperate to join a community, but they aren't part of it on a personal level. as such, no real connections can be made, and they perhaps feel even more isolated because they worked to join a new community just for nobody to really get along with them. the personal connection one searches for is lost yet again.
03. webrings
well, this is very "small web" specific, but you're on this wwbsite, no? plus the other example i have in my head reflects a little poorly on me unless i explain my own experience. maybe i'll add it another time when i have more room in my head.
there are plenty of webrings out there for all sorts of topics. are you an artist? a fan of cartoons? is there something about your identity you want to show off? are you into a certain game? do you just want to be in a webring?
surely that gives you a place to belong, and more hits on your website, right?
webring are useful when they link together sites with a similar purpose or pages with a certain topic. this is true. but what about when the webring just exists? not in a this is between me and my friends, check out their sites way, but an i want to be part of something way.
after all, other sites have webrings. why shouldn't yours?
so you're part of something: good! but you don't get anything out of it, do you?
put simply, members of a webring don't exactly interact.
it's another community that people may join, but for various reasons, never become satisfied. and then you get fifty webrings on somebody's landing page, with no true love for any of them.